In many African homes, mothers are highly regarded and respected, but there are times when they tend to go overboard with discipline. Our correspondent asked members of the public how they would react if their mother-in-law hit them
Ochayi Paul
I will never hit her back
In all honesty, I will be shocked, angry, and disappointed because this is a very sensitive and tricky situation that can blow out of proportion if care is not taken; however, one thing is certain, I will never hit her back no matter what. The scenario that led to it will most likely play a major role in my reaction to it. If I happen to be at her house and such an incident occurs, honestly, I will gently take my leave, but if the scenario takes place in my house, she will be asked to leave immediately. That is non-negotiable. In as much as I know the situation will most likely sever our relationship from that moment onward, we will look for ways to do a bit of damage control and salvage the relationship. At the end of the day, the relationship with my wife is more important, hence, I have to settle to ensure that my family is happy.
Lynda Ukor
I will walk her out of my house
To be honest, if she hits me, I will walk away. I will be hurt but I will swallow it; I will eventually reach out to her later on to find out what made her do what she did. I will talk to my husband about it and I know I married a reasonable man, so he will not do anything irrational. I won’t be angry if he supports his mother because it is expected that a man supports his mother. But if she insists on staying, I will let her understand that she is in my husband’s house and I have a say in who stays and who leaves. I will walk her out of my house and ask her to go to her husband’s house. I don’t believe a man’s mother should inconvenience her son in his own house.
Oyafunke Busola
I will distance myself to avoid further conflict
Wow! In such a situation, I will prioritise de-escalation and safety immediately. Initially, I will move out of her reach to avoid any further conflict at the moment. If her aggression persists, I will leave the space entirely, as this will be necessary for everyone’s well-being and safety. Following the incident, I will communicate my concerns about her actions to her and the family, expressing my disapproval of the actions. Respecting each other is crucial in any relationship, and if there is no willingness to address and resolve the issue, I will make sure to maintain a healthy distance, as this may be the best course of action to ensure that everyone’s emotional well-being and physical well-being are considered.
I will go further to lay down instructions to make sure that she does not visit my home again without me being informed.
Gift Precious
For me, the marriage is over
Honestly speaking, I don’t even want to imagine such a situation. Just tell me why she will want to hit me in the first place. If such a thing ever happened, her son would be the judge in this case, then other necessary actions would have to follow suit. However, for my mother-in-law to dare to hit me, my marriage with her son is gone already, because I know that not even my mother, whom I’ve spent the most years of my life with, will slap me at this point in my life, even if I erred, let alone the mother of my husband. If she could do such to me, I would need to question how she raised her children, before I get shocked to know that I married into a family who are experts in maltreating people.
Ayodele Adesina
I will take sole responsibility for her actions
One thing I know for sure is that in every relationship and marriage, there should always be boundaries and those boundaries are supposed to be respected by people from both the bride and groom’s families. A mother-in-law is also a mother that one adopts via love, which in turn leads to marriage. If there happens to be any situation that leads to my mother-in-law getting into a physical confrontation with me, I will accept the outcome of the situation to be my fault, and I will take the sole responsibility for my mother-in-law’s actions, while I will try to make peace by all means because peace and love are what a loving family thrives on.
Going forward, I will make sure that all boundaries are respected, well-kept and understood because I understand that even the best dancers are supposed to know when to leave the stage.
Omolola Pedro
I will hit her back then we will resolve it
My opinion will be controversial because it’s non-conventional. However, in all honesty, I am going to hit her back. I’ll reciprocate. I won’t forgive myself if I don’t.
I know this will bring backlash, but I sincerely don’t care. I think if my mother-in-law hits me, it is not only disrespectful to me, it is disrespectful to what I share with her son, and even disrespectful to her as a person. It is only someone who likes to be disrespected who does disrespectful things. I won’t wait for my partner to come back so that I can report, because no matter how much he claims to love and respect me, he won’t slap his mother. Regardless, I hope I do not get to have a mother-in-law who’d be so undeserving of respect to the extent of hitting me. But if it happens, I’ll hit her back, and then we can resolve it later, or not if the circumstances do not permit.
Folorunso Ibukunoluwa
I will be enraged and express my dissatisfaction
Mothers are sacred beings worthy of the highest esteem possible and even in situations where it feels like they act out of line, the regards and esteem due to them should be maintained. In the instance of a squabble between myself and my mother-in-law that results in a blow from her, my first reaction will be to get enraged, express my dissatisfaction with such an action and then excuse myself as an exchange of blows will not be an option for me.
Communicating my dissatisfaction to my wife will be the next line of action to ensure there isn’t a reoccurrence of such. Talking and thrashing out matters that brought about such action when the dust settles will also be an option I will explore to ensure total avoidance of such in the future.
As said earlier, there will never be a justification to hit my mother-in-law in exchange for her hitting me, just as there will never be a justification for me hitting my mother in exchange for hitting me.
Olatubosun Oluwatoyin
I will consider the love I have for my husband
For me as a married woman, if my mother-in-law should slap me, I will find it very painful and disrespectful. But there is one thing I am going to consider, and that is the love and respect that I have for my husband. I will not retaliate the slap despite being hurt although it can be a very annoying situation for an adult to be in. Another thing I would like to consider is putting my mother-in-law in my shoes; if she were to be my mother would I retaliate?
I have scores to settle with my husband and not my mother-in-law; I will know how to talk to my husband to talk to his mother not to try it again. In conclusion, I will not slap my mother-in-law in return; instead, I will just walk away from the scene.
Ojebode Falola
I will speak with my father-in-law and she must apologise
I don’t think such a thing can happen to me and that’s because I will not stay in my mother-in-law’s house, and there will not be any issue that will bring about my mother-in-law hitting me, it is not possible. Let’s say if it happens, I will not do anything to her because she is old enough to be my mother as well, at least she gave birth to my wife. I would rather talk to her husband, who is my father-in-law about it; I won’t divert the aggression to my wife but If by chance, my father-in-law is around when the incident occurs and he doesn’t feel anything bad about it, I will then have to involve my mother in it so it will not be me taking up the matter, it will be my mother, then the adults will have to find a solution to the issue, but my mother-in-law has to apologise to me.
Lynda Edebiri
I will have a candid conversation with my husband
Well, I am not an aggressive person and I do everything in my power to avoid anything that will lead to physical altercations with people. In the face of toxic and aggressive behaviour from my mother-in-law resulting in physical harm, my immediate response will be to seek refuge in a safe space, such as my room, to de-escalate the situation. Once the immediate threat is diffused, my next step involves a candid conversation with my husband.
Together, we will discuss and implement measures to limit or entirely restrict her presence in our home. Prioritising my well-being is paramount, and establishing clear boundaries becomes crucial for maintaining a healthy and safe environment within our family. This approach ensures that any aftermath is addressed firmly and with a focus on protecting myself and the overall harmony of our household.