In many cultures, families are deemed to be an integral part of a couple’s home. However, there are divided opinions on whether or not it is appropriate for people to disclose happenings in their home to their parents. Our correspondent asked some members of the public what they would do if they found out that their partners disclosed family secrets to their parents
Olamide Fajuyigbe
I won’t tell her secrets again
If my wife discloses family secrets to her parents, first of all, I won’t tell her anything confidential again, even though what she already knows can’t be erased from her head. Marriage is for the rest of time, so if you truly love her, you have to overlook it, but don’t ever tell her anything again and pray to God to help you. However, relationships have taught me a lot about life. There are some things you have no control over and there are things you must do as long as you are truly in love with your partner. As a matter of fact, one of them is sharing secrets. You will always tell your partner, no matter what, and that’s if you truly love your wife. What it means to be in love with someone is that you genuinely trust that person with your life. Simple!
Idowu Suleiman
I will be disappointed
My action will depend on what type of secret it is; does it involve the two of us or only me? What is the magnitude of the secret? If the secret is about me or the children, then I will definitely be angry and disappointed in him for doing so! As I believe a secret should be a private and confidential matter. Though, I would still want to know the reason he did so. But, if the secret involves himself alone, he may have his reason for doing so. However, I’ll still be disappointed. But ultimately, I believe the success of our relationship would depend on effective communication and trust!
Abisoye Abejoye
I will be angry, but she has to stop
I think for me, it will depend on the kind of secret my wife told her parents. However, I won’t be happy. I will be angry initially, but will let her understand that such shouldn’t occur again. So, the first thing is that I would have a conversation with her to know what she told them. The second thing is to know the reason for doing that without my permission, because when you are in a relationship, always try to understand your partner’s reasons for doing the things they do. It is also important to understand and respect your partner’s decision on whether or not they want you to reveal certain things about the relationship or marriage to their parents. You need to learn to respect their choices and support them in their decision. So, I would have a conversation with her, explain to her that in the future if she’s having issues in the relationship and needs to give vent to her feelings, she should come to me and we would work things out together and not for her to disclose things to her parents.
Ibijoke Michael
That is not acceptable
Nearly every family has secrets. Some of these secrets are told, while others are carefully hidden. People cite many reasons for maintaining family secrets, including protecting your family from judgment, dealing with possible consequences, and privacy, which is very necessary. Obviously, a secret is anything not meant to be known or seen by others, regardless of the relationship. Remember, a secret is a secret irrespective of its degree. For me, because it’s a secret, I will not accept any form of disclosure to any unauthorised person. This could actually bring about a misunderstanding between my partner and me. In the long run, I will demand to know the reason behind the disclosure and we will find measures to deal with it because it has already been revealed. However, forgiveness will definitely come at the end, but we will have a stand that it shouldn’t happen again. To err is human and to forgive is divine.
Ayilara Ismail
I will definitely feel hurt
When choosing a partner, there are so many qualities you look out for, which determines if they would be a suitable spouse. Marriage must be built on trust and it must be a union where you can always express how you feel, no matter what the situation is. Your partner should be your most trusted confidant and if they are now the one leaking family secrets to their family, it’s a slap on the family. Things may not be the same again and the trust I would have in her would be compromised. So, I would definitely feel hurt. But in marriage, there is compromise. I would still communicate and know the reason why she did such. However, it will take time for us to get back on track with trust and communication, but we will get there because it’s not the end of the world. There are always reasons to compromise in marriage.
Oluwafunmilayo Ogunade-Olubile
I won’t make an issue out of it
In the course of courtship, you would have noticed something like that, like the children telling their parents everything. When you notice this, you can minimise what you tell them. When you get married you can tell your spouse something to see how much of it would be disclosed to your in-laws. You don’t need to make an issue out of it, it can be painful when you find out, but it can be worked on. Courtship time is to get to really know your partner well, it is an eye-opener. What you don’t correct or walk through during courtship and you think they would change during marriage would get worse.
Miracle Jumbo
I will definitely caution her
I will definitely caution her. Our family secrets should remain with us and not be shared with anyone, including her parents or family members. It is disrespectful and it does not show that she respects my ability to handle decisions in the home. I am glad I don’t have such a spouse. The home is built on trust, and if that trust is lost, how will the home stand? I will call her, sit her down and let her know the implications of such an act. Also, I will caution her not to do it again so it doesn’t affect the integrity of our marriage.
Grace ogechukwu
I will forgive, but won’t let it happen again
I will stop telling him secrets because for me to tell him in the first place, I had trust and confidence in him. I will be mute for a while as I try to understand the kind of partner I have. I will also make sure such doesn’t reoccur because you can’t control what has been lost. I know that in the long run, he will realise it but it’s going to be too late. From my end, I won’t allow it to repeat itself even though I must have forgiven him. But for me to tell him any other secret is a no.
Edun Abiola
It’s a betrayal of trust
As a family, we have set a rule of not bringing a third party into our relationship, but if a situation such as this happens, we would have to revisit the rules of our relationship and he must surely know he has broken my trust in him. I can’t quantify what hurts more; whether it is the broken trust or what led to him discuss my family secret with his family. It will take a lot of communication and forgiveness before I can ever let go of the hurt he caused me with that act of his. Eventually, I might forgive him depending on the weight of the damage he has caused, but he would not get off it easily. I will be livid and he has to know he broke my trust in him.
Aladenika Mayowa
We must learn to respect our homes
I believe every relationship has its secrets and they vary in intensity from one family to the other. My reaction as a husband would depend on the gravity of the family secret that was disclosed. While small secrets can be overlooked, major ones will be frowned upon, either from me or from my spouse. This is because our secrets are ours and shouldn’t be revealed to a third party. Even in some cases, our kids could be the third party and should not be exposed to such matters. One of our basic tenets of a family is to keep third parties away as much as possible. However, we are bound to respect the presence of our parents or any other respectable individual, as the case may be, when both of us agree to let them in on a particular matter. In conclusion, there is a binding tenet we share and this cannot be broken as there are consequences when a rule of law is broken.