Every family is built to have its beliefs and what they regard as acceptable when it comes to religious paths. But what happens when one’s partner decides to switch to a different religion? Our correspondent asked some members of the public what they would do if their partner insisted on converting to a different religion years after marriage.
Obabi Matthias
I’m a clergyman, I won’t accept it
Firstly, as a man, if my partner decides that she wants to be converted to another religion after several years of getting married, honestly I will not allow her to make such a decision, this is because, in Africa, it is believed that for all married women, it is a must that they make decisions with the knowledge and permission of their husbands and African women are believed to be under their husband’s law and they are obligated to be obedient, therefore, my wife will not be allowed to make such a decision. Secondly, as for me, I am a pastor, and as a clergyman, my wife must be in my religion. The Yoruba people have a saying that when women get married, they do not have any religion except the religion of their husbands.
Oboduku Mary
I will join him to help him grow
What will I do if my partner insists on converting to a different religion?
First thing first, the Bible says that the husband is the Head and we should honour them. Again in another verse in the Bible, it says, in as much you both are married, whatever his belief is that’s what you will follow, the Bible made it clear to us. Now, if this happens in the future, and he insists on belonging to another belief outside the one I married him with, I will try and counsel him, take things easy and be calm until I win him. Except, he is not the type that listens or takes to correction, I will excuse him for a while but still counsel him. But if he refuses to yield to my advice, I will go my separate ways not divorce but to let peace reign in the family since he is not ready to take to my advice.
However, if his conversion is a positive one, better than our former belief, I will join him and help him to grow better on the way.
Abisoye Abejoye
I can’t imagine it happening
Honestly, I can’t imagine it happening. It cannot even happen for my wife to convert to another religion. I think my wife can only do that if I’m not serious spiritually. By God’s grace, we both know the truth as Christians and as my wife, she can never deviate from the truth, because as long as i am alive, me and my house, we will serve the Lord forever.
An issue of this magnitude matter will definitely cause a lot of problems in the home. The children will be confused, except if they are adults who can make their own choices. If they are, that’s good, they can choose to do whatever they like. But if they are not, they will ask both myself and my wife so many bothering questions like, ‘Mum, why doesn’t daddy follow us to church?’ In fact, there’s going to be confusion in the home and the religious beliefs of the kids and our relationship will suffer!
Lynda Ukor
It won’t work if it’s not my choice
Well to me, it is a no for me. Firstly, you cannot change a grown man, you just have to talk to him and borrow him words of wisdom, but if he feels that he still insists on doing what he wants to do to change his religion, I will let him be but he will have to leave myself and the children out of it. He cannot insist on changing the whole family’s religion, I will not agree to it because he did not discuss such with me while we were courting before marriage and even if he wants to convert all of us to another religion, it’s a choice and as for me, if it is not my choice, it is not going to work. So I don’t pray for my husband to wake up one morning and say he wants to become Nasiru or Baba Shakiratu. It’s a no for me.
Tawab Arileshere
There’s nothing wrong with that
Let me start with the fact that religion is a personal & sensitive aspect of one’s life which can influence a person’s way of thinking, lifestyle & marital life.
Secondly, in today’s progressing world, love is flourishing too. People are coming out of their comfort zones to acknowledge their love. Inter-caste marriages and inter-religious marriages are getting more acceptance than before. Most times when a person is born in a certain religion it is easier and necessary for them to develop love towards that religion and sometimes it’s not so they might follow the other religion’s beliefs & practice their rituals. There is nothing wrong with that but only if your decisions and your actions do not affect your partner or your family.
As for me as a Muslim, if a Muslim guy renounces his religion to adopt another, he is known as an apostate & his marriage that happened under Islamic laws with an Islamic girl would automatically be dissolved.
Blessed Esionyeaba
I would find out the root cause of his decision
I believe before every outburst or decision, there have been underlying symptoms or signs. I pride myself on having a keen eye for little details so I would have noticed them on time.
Firstly, I would notice if my partner is struggling with his faith, and seek out ways to help him overcome those struggles by a deliberate and strategic intervention either in the form of personal heart-to-heart conversations, scheduled meetings or counselling with spiritual leaders whom I know he respects.
With these intentional acts, I would be able to avoid that from happening in the first place
However, if this happens anyways I would find out the root cause of his decision, what triggered it and if it can be addressed. Beliefs most times don’t come overnight, it has been premeditated upon before they start expressing themselves. So having that conversation would help me understand my partner and the situation better and find out if he is going to drag the whole family to join him in his new faith.
I will then help him understand that faith is a personal conviction and shouldn’t be forced down anyone’s throat. It is my personal belief that there are no coincidences, especially in matters of faith and religion. Therefore I will intercede for him in the place of prayer
Oteje Debo
I will do a self-assessment and seek counsel on how best to manage the issue
There are many reasons why my partner may be insisting on converting to a different religion after many years of marriage.
The primary reason will be because of her lack of Trust in our relationship because I believe that your marriage should be a reflection of your beliefs and perspective. It is this same belief that will make partners divorce one another. Kindly note that the emphatic word in your question is “insist”.
What I will do is to first try to understand her reason for making that choice. I will also, try to do a self-assessment of my dealings and affairs towards her to know if I am the reason for her choice. After this, I will seek counsel on how best to manage the issues and approach her with the knowledge of advice from the counsellors to persuade her.
Having done all, if she still insists, I will let us be and allow time to better educate us on the best way out.
Mary Omuvi
He must not insist on converting me
Honestly, I can’t really fathom the main reason as to why he would want to convert to a different religion, after getting married believing in a different religion. Firstly, I will sit him down and talk about the situation one-on-one because I do not know why my husband would wake up and decide to do that on his own without consulting me as it should be on the matter because it is an issue we both would have to come to a resolve about and I will rather appreciate it if he does not insist I convert with him because it might not end well. Yes I understand he as the husband is the head of the family but we are married which makes us one so he should not impose some certain decisions on me and the kids for the sake of peace in the home.
Nkenchor Charles
Her decision will affect a lot of things
Well, Religion plays a crucial role in relationships, in recent times, it has proven to be a sensitive issue, which is why, religion should be among the topics that should be resolved when two consenting adults are dating, and this is because it is imperative to understand their viewpoints about religion.
However that being said, it might cause a bit of rancour, if years later after marriage, my spouse decides to change religion. Pertinent Questions will include for me, will that change her personality?
Will it change her views and philosophy of life? Will it change her feelings towards me?
This decision of hers will probably affect a lot of things in the marriage, because her new religion might frown at some things that were handled with levity in the past, in truth, I will hope it doesn’t change her, if it doesn’t, then I am ok with it.
Peace Ojochide
Such a decision can take a toll on the marriage
The fact that he insists on it means that it has been a topic that has been coming up in our everyday conversation, and It means he is adamant and will not budge and that can take all kinds of toll on the marriage. As we all know, every religion has its moral principles, rules and regulations to live by, codes of conduct etc.. For me, adjusting to the new way of doing things can also be stressfu, especially when it comes to adjusting to morals, culture or even religion. But if there’s love between you two, you have to find a common ground especially if you won’t convert with him. You have to be patient and be a very understanding partner and give him all your support. You have to take out time to celebrate each other and finding the fun in your religious differences can make the experience enjoyable.